Truth...?!

29/6 (Wed)

Yes, it's a midnight post again. I'm not studying my previous lecture stuff again. And I'm in front of my laptop and chatting with PL again. She's been so nice to hear my stories, glad she's there. If not, I'll be so freaking emo == Well, 'cause I just ended my Maths test. Screwed the freaking issue that spoiled my mood to study yesterday and my 4-5 marks... Ishh, fine.. It's my own fault, can't blame no one...

I don't care who's lying to me anyway. It's okay, though I still can't accept but I can feel that my emotion's more stable already :) I don't care whether I'm thinking too much or what, the TRUTH ain't that important anymore. The answer would be a YES or NO only, that simple. And I ignored his call just now. Sorry, but I really don't feel like talking to him/ reply to his wall post or anything related to him, after this whole incident. I feel awkward to face him already. Maybe after a week or more 1st, I just need to ignore him at this moment....

Back to something that eventually bright up my day, that's the day I await the most in the whole week except Friday. I superb likey my Wednesday here in Kampar, 'cause that day had been our weekly outing with ZH, lols :D He's the one who fetch us out for dinner that night. Which means I don't have to cycle out for dinner on that particular day, wheee X) Today we had KFC, though I don't really like the fried chicken there. Too oily for me @@ But the cheesy wedges, still is my all-time favourite there.

Seriously I need sunblock badly!!! I don't wanna become that tan, I'm kinda afraid that I can't accept my more and more uneven skin tone :X

WS :)

Shocked :X

28/6 (Tues)

I'm not paying full attention to my study again, and a small Maths test is on tomorrow. Ishhh, I'm in front of my laptop as usual. Looking at my lecture and tutorial notes while I online and gaming == 'Cause my mind's influenced by a small but shocked news I knew just now :S Ohh my, I wish it isn't true and SERIOUSLY I really can't accept it lo :X

I sensed it would happen after a casual outing but I was shocked that it really did. OMG, I know all this dint happen in a sudden lo please. Erghh, I'm so disappointed and so damn freaked out by it :( Though I'm sure I don't have much feel on that fellow anymore. But to me, it's like a hilarious joke that happens to me, like always. Every time I confirm that person can be my new aim, but then that guy will eventually do something.. Stuff that will make me wonder, moody, wonder again then finally disappointed with a decision inside my heart, that's give up.

I really dislike this sort of feel. It's suck, I've to accept this fact, control my feeling+emotion well and the hardest part: act like "That's just fine to me, I'm okay with it". But my condition really is still not good, but I've say okay to them and to myself. Like nothing big or shall I say "hurtful" happen before?! So in the end, I'm the one who encounter heartache, lucky me huhh?? No one will pity me at all, no one :S

From last year till now, I had this kind of feel for more than twice or more. I'm locking my heart up, yes I am and I should. I had enough already, I need nothing but time to recover. Maybe lonely's best with me, like it did in the last few years. Well, I'm glad that my sense's still correct when it's about other people *except me == I'm so right about saying that thing about him. 'Cause the thing I suspect's currently in the process already, which really freak me out. But I still wish them the best. I'm just doing my part as a friend, that's all...

P/S: Something's wrong, he's denying that he's in a relationship. And I'm wondering who's lying to me now, it's just so hard to guess.

WS :')

It's Week 4 already :X

23/6 (Thurs)

Finally I feel like updating my blog, or shall I say I at last found the time to do so :P Please don't blame me, university life is tough you know XD And this time I got lots of stuffs to share again, as it's has been about 1 week I din't update... I've been thinking what I should write here since the last post, hahhahaa, well here start my new post :)

Last week after that freaking moody post, I'm okay already. So don't worry about me, I can handle it. Yea, I believe I could :D Ignore the schooling part, and let me skip to my weekends. I likey my last weekends, 'cause I gotta the opportunity to meet my friends!!! Saturday went to parade to hang out and yumcha with my working friends, I miss them so much. Though something unexpected happened, well I'm glad it ended quite well though. Awaiting to meet them soon ><

Then Sunday, it's the annually Star walk. I dint register for it as I dint get the chance to borrow the form from any of my friends to photocopy it, and when I realised the deadline's just a few days, I'm in Kampar studying already. Well, what made me change my mind to attend that walk is obviously my dear PY. I miss chatting with her like before. So that day I woke up early, met her up and walked with her. Same like last year, but this year we really talked non-stop XD Wonder when we'll meet again, and next time I want JC to be there with us. The next outing surely need to wait :S

While walking, met some familiar faces. I've said HI to them la, of course ;) When we finished the walk, we headed to the place for FOC food and drinks. Whee, met a lot of close friends there as well. Have a short conversation with them, but those 2 persons which I wanna meet badly- WL and SM dint attend lo I think. YL, fatty, ZZ and some other ex-classmates, I dint see them too == The best part about that day is I get a certificate for participating though I dint register, lols X)

Ohh gosh, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you with a DSLR on Sunday the at the starting line. Duhh I don't mind whether you saw me in the crowd too, I just notice that our fate's quite strong!! Every time I sense that I won't see you again, but the sense turned out to be wrong which make me wanna get over you so soon. I know you can capture nice photos, keep practising. I predict you will become famous with the potential you have 1 day :)

About the new aim thingy I mentioned last post, I think I met a kinda cute guy to let me do so :X But I just don't feel like he's the one for me, I'm way too normal and a bit plump compare to my Form 5 look. So I think "I won't fall for him" is what I wanna tell myself la :@ I'm still trying hard to lose some weight, but I think I'm facing a really huge problem already... When there's nothing much to do in Kampar except eat, sleep, study, cycle, online and yumcha+gossip ==

WS C:

FML!!! :'(

14/6 (Tues)

I felt suck and tired. I'm so freaking lazy, my Maths tutorial works should be drawn on graph but I just simply draw it on my paper. And now I felt like heading to bed as my class for tomorrow morning's 8am. Really FTW!!! Just now I got the time to do my work but I just keep on doing my stuff, listening to songs, fb-ing... Erghh, I don't feel like doing anything but EMO, WTF is wrong with me?!

I know maybe is something about you, I think my emotion's quite unstable recently when the topic comes to you. I still care what you did to me, 'cause I really hate the way you treat me!! This feeling's awkward as I don't know what I can do to solve this issue... This thingy keeps making me thought a lot, set me free from it. I just can't stand it anymore.

Damn I feel so helpless :( Erghh, is there a solution?? I always tell myself: A new aim. But I think I'm lack of confidence when come to that, which due to some reasons I don't know how to tell. Haizz, I just got strong feel that I'll remain S&A in Kampar. So no bf, no transport, no NOTHING == And moreover, I think mostly is my own silly personal problem. I knew it!!

I started to sense the stress on me as mid-term test's just a few more weeks to go, so freaking heavy.... And I don't wanna disappoint my parents on the 1st semester, NO WAY I would do that to them!! So I need to do stop using the laptop that often and start to do my revision starting tomorrow onwards @@ Good luck to myself la, I guess :S

WS :C

Not so LUCKY...

10/6 (Fri)

I think someone will be wondering why I write a post so fast again right?! Hahahaa == 'Cause today, which I rated it as a "not-so-lucky" day... My bicycle disappoints me again, when I started to use it. It made my jeans, my handbag and even shirt dirty. 'Cause it have been to the bicycle shop for service, it's that kind of grease dirty la~ So I wasted a piece of cloth to clean it though, which made my hands so damn dirty that day. I cut my nails short because of that ==

Then what happened today was 1 of the paddle of my bicycle fell off, really FTW!!! I was on my way to attend my class la aduhh :'( So I dirtied my hands again to try to fix it back but I failed to. Erghh, so gotta pull my bicycle to a place near the a gate which got a jaga guarding there, locked it there and headed to my lecture hall. Asked for help from the jaga but he couldn't do anything about it though.

I'm so glad Huiyi was there with me, I wanna thank her so much!! And thanks for accompany me when we're heading home from school after class :) Ohh yaa, I skip something important: My lecturer dismissed us early. I don't even need to help those who asked me to help them sign. It's their choices to skip I know, but don't they know they're missing something?? :S And I worried ah Bao the most, 'cause... Fine, I don't wanna talk about it :@

I got 20 minutes+ to pull my bicycle back my Kampar home. Which I reached there by walking + pulling my bicycle at about 6pm+ I'm surprised to know that, PL's bicycle still haven't fix. Her bicycle's chain is down this morning, and this cause her to board a bus to school. The bicycle guy who said he can come on night, suddenly said it's his off today. Well when my dad arrived there, he saved the day. He fixed both of our bicycle, but mine he still need to make the screw tighter X) Love him much ❤

P/S: I can accept it and yes I'll, I think what I'm expecting already is the answer. It's disappointing as always once it's related to you, no wonder I would heartlessly force myself to end this thingy with you. Don't say I'm cruel. 'Cause don't you care about me anymore?! Shouldn't be I don't think so, but should be I don't mind at all C:

WS :V

Lazy :@

9/6 (Thursday)

It's a midnight post again, and yes I'm so damn lazy. Lazy to do revision, playing fb every time I switch on my laptop. Lazy to renew my post, lazy to do this and that... Still that "nanti nanti" attitude :S Erghh, I'm not motivated enough!!! I'm starting to worry about the assignments and examination already. I'm tired easily, and I always eat my meals at different time, which is so not good. Would this affect my weight or something?! I'm still trying to lose my weight, which's still yet to lose ==

I need to have some food in stomach before I cycle, to avoid fainting or falling down while I cycle back home. I wonder when will I get used to cycling everyday @@ To me, cycling drains energy easily == Today after my 9am class, I stayed at school due to a group discussion thingy. The last class is 2pm till 4pm, I was yawning in the class. Ohh no, my legs muscles ached already when I cycled home. I'm so glad that I can lay on my comfortable bed, as I'm a little bit afraid my energy can't bring me home.

Then tonight, PL's class ended at 6pm. *Which would be same for me tomorrow, shit timetable :( In the end, due to laziness. We decided not to cycle out for our dinner, and lucky we did that choice. 'Cause I seriously think my legs need some rest. So we ended up calling delivery, well it tasted good anyway X) Freaking tired everyday. Haizzz, when I can adapt the environment here??? :[

P/S: Something I saw made me think that my prediction is wrong again, F*CK :( I nearly can't accept it but I have to. Goshh, I keep on wondering: Don't you still treat me as friend?? I'm so mad at you right now :'(

WS :C

I'm TANNED :(

4/6 (Sat)

I'm freaking sad about my skin tone right now, normal lotion's not that helpful in this stage already. Erghh, I need SUNBLOCK and more suitable clothes!!! 1 of my jeans is too big for me, makes me looks fat. I'm just moderate la, and I'm trying to lose weight now :) I want long pants and long shelves shirts!! But my mum isn't free to bring me go for shopping, due to her works. Like tonight.. me with my brother and father went to watch X-men 1st class, she's staying home doing her stuff.

Ohh yaa, yesterday my dad came Kampar to fetch me home. He reached there quite late as he told me there's a serious jamming near Simpang Pulai there. Well, actually is that shit lecturer which is so "KIND" to let us left the lecture hall about 25 minutes early. Which allows me to reach my Kampar home before 6pm. I'm so so so impressed: He taught us nothing in that so-called 1 hour lesson. He just asked who's not clear in which part. He kept on looking at his watch and even taking out his phone to send text or something. =3=

Then he said he needed to leave early and explained that he's in a hurry to fetch someone, which I think is his important so-and-so la~  Lucky he's just a replacement lecturer and he's not my tutor for my Economics class. If not, I think I'll announce myself as death in that subject :@ Bao's just same lecture class with me only. But Huiyi which I knew her in my primary school BM tuition, is same group with me!! Hehee, I got accompany in my every class 'cause my timetable is same with hers :)

I still haven't really know much new friends there, just started to really chat with a few new faces in my Basic English class. Try to recognise their faces starting from now already, LOLs :P I've noticed that she's paying attention to my present in class as well, if I'm not wrong. And I'm glad that I've chosen to add her up in fb. She's same group with me, like what I've expected. Next Monday gotta try to have a simple conversation with her before class starts, try not to be that awkward I guess?!

WS ;)

Freaking tired :(

31/5 (Tues)

Erghh, why must the weather here be so damn HOT!! Every time I reach the place for bicycle parking, I felt like I've melted by the sun @@ Not that I hate sweating, but it make me feel uncomfortable and a bit stink. Walking from a block to another is also making me sweat. *Bought a pefume to overcome that, hopefully it do work =3=  My timetable's suck, I don't understand why the gap between 2 classes is so freaking big!!! The most terrible is FRIDAY, my last class is 5pm-6pm, but then I got class from 10am-11am. Erghh, really FML :'(

The distance from my hostel to the university needs about 15 minutes+ if by cycling. *I started to hate the lake I have to pass by everyday already >< To avoid making myself more tiring from wasting energy, to cycle home and then back to school due to similar "wonderful" situation stated above, I decided to stay school to wait for my another class. == Terrific, besides having lunch in the canteen... I think I need to have a nap or do some revision in the heaven-like library on next week onwards :(

Met her and I think she's same stream with me, 'cause I've already met her in all my lecture class so far.. Make me thought about you this few days :( I know I should've let you out of my mind. Erghh, feeling a bit awkward. Wondering should I go and know her?? Well, I mean I need NEW friends from my foundation too!! Old friends I knew in Ipoh ain't enough at all :S

WS =.=